Pretty sure everyone has had those dreams about being naked. The ones where you wind up in public, or in front of a group of people. I know that I have had tons of them. School, stores, parades, I have been naked pretty much everyplace. Usually, I don't even care. It's like it doesn't bother me to prance around in all my jiggly, fluffy glory. But then again, dreams do tricky things. In real life, being nekked in public is terrifying. Almost as terrifying as when your toddler runs out your front door laughing and not listening. When something like that happens, the reaction is immediate, panic! There isn't an actual thought process. And it all actually happened. Shit got real.
I'm taking a quick bath, Girth has to run out to do something, ok whatever, no big deal. I am getting out as he is leaving. Bathroom door is open, Riot is watching cartoons, and I ask him to come here. He doesn't answer. I peek out, and see him in the kitchen with the front door cracked open. I bolt, immediately. Nakedly. He laughs like a frigging hyena and jumps onto the porch. Guess who is completely buck naked, in broad daylight, standing on the front porch scarfing up their child? Me. Talk about a dream come true. We don't exactly live in the country here. The parking lot next door was packed full, but thankfully our neighbors were not in their yards. And thankfully, he did not make it off the bottom step. I have never been more exposed, or terrified. He unlocked both locks and took it upon himself to step out. Well, guess who purchased a third lock? Yup. As glad as I am that everything is fine, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that my butthole was exposed outside, right in the daytime as I was bending over to drag my offspring in the house. Kid screaming, boobs flopping, oh my god. It wasn't even at lightning speed, it took a minute. He was super wiggly. I'm all grabbing at him, trying to keep by arms bent and elbows over my jugs, looking like a raging T-rex. Vagina blowing in the wind. After all that, I still have the audacity to sit here with no pants on. The nerve, I tell ya.
I'm taking a quick bath, Girth has to run out to do something, ok whatever, no big deal. I am getting out as he is leaving. Bathroom door is open, Riot is watching cartoons, and I ask him to come here. He doesn't answer. I peek out, and see him in the kitchen with the front door cracked open. I bolt, immediately. Nakedly. He laughs like a frigging hyena and jumps onto the porch. Guess who is completely buck naked, in broad daylight, standing on the front porch scarfing up their child? Me. Talk about a dream come true. We don't exactly live in the country here. The parking lot next door was packed full, but thankfully our neighbors were not in their yards. And thankfully, he did not make it off the bottom step. I have never been more exposed, or terrified. He unlocked both locks and took it upon himself to step out. Well, guess who purchased a third lock? Yup. As glad as I am that everything is fine, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that my butthole was exposed outside, right in the daytime as I was bending over to drag my offspring in the house. Kid screaming, boobs flopping, oh my god. It wasn't even at lightning speed, it took a minute. He was super wiggly. I'm all grabbing at him, trying to keep by arms bent and elbows over my jugs, looking like a raging T-rex. Vagina blowing in the wind. After all that, I still have the audacity to sit here with no pants on. The nerve, I tell ya.
Damn would of been an awesome show lol
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