Happy Clamming

Tits don't speak. They will also never win a staring contest...they can't even see you. These facts seem irrelevant to a guy when he sees you in a bar or wherever, as he is out searching for his next baby mama. Sure, it's flattering having someone notice how spectacular your hoots look in that new shirt, that you just bought, especially for going to get noticed, because you know they looked awesome in it...but still.  I know that I personally would prefer that I was offered a drink, instead of having it offered to my nipples. Those fun bags do alot of things, but sprouting lips isn't one of them. So, it's pretty important that a guy looking for the approval of any lady, should look at her, completely. This way he can also assess her reaction to his offering of a beer, see the "as if" spread across her face and then line up a couple shots, pronto. Chances are good she has enough change in her purse to line up dollar cans of pbr all night long. Be a baller and get her a shot.

Please, please, do not pay for your drinks by pulling out your wallet and rifling through your entire cashed paycheck. I have seen this myself, too many times. The only gals swooning are the money grubs or those waiting on the first of the month to kick in. Then it only works because they are looking forward to spending those dollars, their hunt for a douchbag with money to spend is over, for the night. This has nothing to do with you looking like a high class fancy pants man. Trust me, you do not. At all.
Your calling card is desperation.

Also, keep the drunk guy swerve to a minimum. Dancing for fun is fine, but the minute you start acting like you can dance, when you clearly cannot, there is a problem. Now don't get me wrong, we have all been here. Girth still makes fun of my moves. Arms in the air, "sexy" sway, off beat no less, drink sloshing around. But- I am not in the business of picking up chicks either. I have all the vagina I need right in my pants.

Really, there is alot a guy has to keep in mind when getting all up in the grill of a hot girl. Especially in a bar where the guy/girl ratio is way off balance. Although, by a certain time in the night, the guys going to have a half closed piss eye, way too much cologne on, beer dribbled on his shirt, the self confidence that no one aside from Ryan Gosling should have, and to top it off, he is functioning without a brain to mouth filter.
The moral of the story is, poon hunting and guys nights out should be completely separate.

Demonstrating the importance of beer goggles...