Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Coconut consult.

Finally the day of the consult arrived. Sitting in the waiting room I judged all the women working there about whatever I thought they had done. Of course they were good looking. It was kind of like being in an episode of Nip/Tuck. Naturally on a big day that I had been waiting for, I am sick. So, mouth breathing and judging was pretty much all I did, with Girth beside me. My hair was super static-y from my dumb too tight coat, and I wore a scumbag bra. You get the picture. Anyway, finally we sat in the consult room. Minimal, comfy, baskets of implants. We played with them, they felt like little water beds. Doctor comes in, we talk about my reduction, he tells me to undress from the waist up and put the white robe on. He walks out, I strip it down and get the robe on- which makes me wonder how many sets of teats have been wrapped in it, and when was it last washed. I stand in front of the big silver framed mirror flashing myself. Chris- he's still playing with baskets of tits. Now I am looking at myself, really looking. Everything seems real and vivid, and I think about how my body will literally change. Having a drastic change potentially on the horizon makes me see my body as actually quite beautiful. It was almost like a, "you don't know what you have until it's gone", moment. Of course I want them gone, but it was still a strange, jarring moment.
The doctor comes in, directs me to open the robe. I comply. Except I kind of stand there, holding the robe open. Completely went all Buffalo Bill in front of him. He had to tell me to relax my arms to my sides. Awesome. Then I face the mirror and he crouches in front of me, doing this & that. He turned my boobs into hamburgers. To show me approximate size and placement, he used my nipples like handles, and tucked and folded them in such ways that they resembled hamburgers. I was pleased.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Hello, stranger.

My lesbian dreams have been increasing as we close in on Christmas. Is this a coincidence? Holidays and boxes? I want a box for Christmas?

I have entered the working world. The land of clothes and regular showers. Who will pet my cats all day? Babysitters and school bus schedules. This world does not seem appealing...


Chopped off my hair. Last consult to lose the teets is this month too. Lose the hair, lose the tits...gain work clothes? The frig?

Girth is on the fast track to 30. He will be 29 this week. Just the thought of that is aging me...what am I going to do with his old balls?! Pin them up for him, I suppose.

Wasn't I just pregnant? Where did this staggering, mouthy toddler come from?!

My big kid called me "mom", the other day. Completely unfucking acceptable.

Just realized my "new world" contains Happy Hour. Maybe I will like it here.

My ass looks like someone smashed it between two bricks. Begging for a squat or 600. Challenge will commence...will not be posting ass photos this time. Sorry.

I am at pre-pregnancy weight. Things have shifted though.

I am lusting after James Spader so hard that it is shameful. Just the mention of his name and my hand flys to my zipper.

Monster Trucks balls have gotten so big that if you pet him from ears to the tip of his tail, you graze them. I think he grew them that big on purpose.

Girth and I finally had a night out. I did a pyramid in a tight dress...backed it up to a fence for a safety precaution (ie, my beating later), checked out photos the next day. Saw a woman standing in the back. Pretty sure she was sneak peeking my hamburger.

I think we are all caught up now.