Friday, September 14, 2012

Sleepytime slut.

Woke up last night pulling my husbands jammy pants off him. I was in full on attack mode all over his wiener. It had been a normal night, no drinking, no porn, even went to bed right after Sons of Anarchy, asleep by 10 o'clock. It appears the sleepy slut has returned. It used to be a real problem, neither of us ever got any sleep. He would roll right away from me at bedtime and sleep tight on his belly because of it. Woke up countless times with my hand right down his pants, getting all old school with the hj's. He would fight me off, and go back to sleep. I have woken up right on top of him trying to get my swerve on, or just plain ol' humping the skin right off his leg. He of course, shoves me off with disgust. Last night though, was the first night in a while. I wasn't even having any sexy dreams, I was actually having a scary one! And he wasn't even saving me, so I wasn't offering my vagina up in a gratuitous nature. While last nights sleepy time sexcapade did start out only in his favor, I did wind up getting lucky, so that's a plus. We were both wide awake by that time, so that's even better. Until we looked at the clock. Being asleep by ten, we assumed it was like 5am...nope. It was only midnight. A Googling I will go, and find out that sexsomnia is the real deal, present in 4% of women. Could be worse I guess, like a sleep eater or something. Then again, I was only a wiener type away from that difference last night.
Clearly, I would not be a good candidate for a sleepover...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Flipping awesome.

Had a sitter this Saturday, went out. Pretty sure that I make it way too obvious that sitters are not a regular occurrence around here...because I completely rage it up. Now, if your one of those moms who drank on weekends, went out with friends, did crazy things, until a baby fell from your vagina-well, you can just stop. I see ridiculous rants all the times coming from the mouths of these bitter lasses. Thinking that becoming a mother is an intro to sainthood, when the reality check is- you were obviously just inducted into judgemental twat-of-fame.
This weekend I had some great times. Played flip cup like an adolescent, abused a clay dick, had enough fun that I don't remember limping in the front door at 1 o'clock in the morning. Being a parent does not mean that letting go for a night makes you any less of anything. I will do all the things I did before, just in moderation. There is no need to lose a part of myself when another is gained. Immature? Sure. Aside from being a smidgen immature though, I am also a wonderful wife, doting mommy, great full-time student a year away from her bachelors degree, friend, sister, daughter, 2 job working girl. One thing I'm not though, judgemental.  However, if some of those social pariahs, with nothing better to do, feel like passing judgement on the fun other people are having, then judge this:
Upon coming home, it seems that I stripped naked and hopped on the couch to pass out. It also seems that I pissed myself like a gross drunk old man, taking out two entire couch cushions and three throw pillows. Like my muffin was set on sprinkler mode or something. I'm not even sure if this is a step up or down from the night I was puking in the toilet, abruptly sneezing, which smashed my mouth/face of the porcelin, effectivly throwing me backwards into the wall...almost knocking myself out. Bloody lip or piss-without-the-pants. Such a toss up.

   While some are breeding bitterness, I'll be making making memories.