I'm still finishing up book three, but let me tell you, Christian and Anastasia have more sex than a stack of porno. Hopefully they have a forever type of love, because surely, he has ruined her vagina.
Now, I love this trilogy, but I have a couple issues. First of all, I get that she was a virgin. The fact that she had no idea what anal beads were though, makes her a straight up liar. She would have had to lived under a rock. Besides, she was told to research everything in the first book, Christian's right, that sassy girl doesn't listen for shit. And virgin or not, she was a hooker who received benefits that included a free gym membership, gifts of technology, shopping sprees and a car. You didn't hear Vivian complaining about it in Pretty Woman. 50 Shades is alot of the same, except with oodles of self-loathing, way more boners, and an obscene amount of orgasms. If the wind blows on that ladies nipples, she convulses. It's completely unnatural. It takes nothing for that girl to cross the finish line...Christian definitely found himself a whorey little gem! The most realistic aspect of all these sexxcapades is that they never last more than a couple of minutes. Don't even get me started on Mrs. Jones being the butt plug washer AND dinner maker. I'm so glad Anastasia ended up taking care of them, I almost lost respect for her, her simple mind and her ravaged cooter.
Sometimes though, I am just grateful for the fantasy. Getting lost in perfection. I know my showers don't get that sexy, nor do my bath times. The highlight of my shower is pulling a 16 inch long hair out of the crack of my ass. It Girth picks me up and twirls me around gleefully, I don't giggle, I screech and fart. We don't have sex and roll over to sleep in bliss full oblivion, he throws me off him and we race to the bathroom. Life gets messy...
My one critique would be better word usage. Now, Anastasia is an adult college graduate, who screws like a harlot, yet refers to her muffin as, "down there". Really? Your inner goddess doesn't tell you to call it anything else? Well, both of you are stupid. There is a slew of other words that could be more descriptive and appropriate for the types of sex she's having. But, if I get started on that, I'll be blogging for Hustler...
Now, I love this trilogy, but I have a couple issues. First of all, I get that she was a virgin. The fact that she had no idea what anal beads were though, makes her a straight up liar. She would have had to lived under a rock. Besides, she was told to research everything in the first book, Christian's right, that sassy girl doesn't listen for shit. And virgin or not, she was a hooker who received benefits that included a free gym membership, gifts of technology, shopping sprees and a car. You didn't hear Vivian complaining about it in Pretty Woman. 50 Shades is alot of the same, except with oodles of self-loathing, way more boners, and an obscene amount of orgasms. If the wind blows on that ladies nipples, she convulses. It's completely unnatural. It takes nothing for that girl to cross the finish line...Christian definitely found himself a whorey little gem! The most realistic aspect of all these sexxcapades is that they never last more than a couple of minutes. Don't even get me started on Mrs. Jones being the butt plug washer AND dinner maker. I'm so glad Anastasia ended up taking care of them, I almost lost respect for her, her simple mind and her ravaged cooter.
Sometimes though, I am just grateful for the fantasy. Getting lost in perfection. I know my showers don't get that sexy, nor do my bath times. The highlight of my shower is pulling a 16 inch long hair out of the crack of my ass. It Girth picks me up and twirls me around gleefully, I don't giggle, I screech and fart. We don't have sex and roll over to sleep in bliss full oblivion, he throws me off him and we race to the bathroom. Life gets messy...
My one critique would be better word usage. Now, Anastasia is an adult college graduate, who screws like a harlot, yet refers to her muffin as, "down there". Really? Your inner goddess doesn't tell you to call it anything else? Well, both of you are stupid. There is a slew of other words that could be more descriptive and appropriate for the types of sex she's having. But, if I get started on that, I'll be blogging for Hustler...
Spreader bar...holla!
You should change your name to Earl Pitts..Nancy
ReplyDeleteIsn't he a radio guy??
Deleteyes he is I love him and you do remind me of him...104.7 Love your blogs!!
Delete<3 <3 <3
DeleteI agree Jen, half the time it's "down there" and the other half it's "my sex"
ReplyDeleteReally? Head on over to urban dictionary and find some new words
She could have used a fun word, like, pootie tang :D
ReplyDeleteGreat post… very useful for me…. Naturenergi
ReplyDelete