The History of Girth Brooks...

 "Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bed-spring...."

 We met in the Fall of 2006, we were official in the Spring 2008, I became unemployed in January of 2009, he proposed to me on February 13th of 2009, we found out I was pregnant on February 23rd, 2009. We got married on April 25th, 2009, and had our gorgeous son on September 28th, 2009. We are a whirlwind, a force to be reckoned with. We happened fast. The laws of fate knew we were made for each other and pushed upon us everything it knew we could handle- before we ever had a chance to over-analyze and over think ourselves. Even the universe was in our corner.

He thinks I am, "ugly as dick", in the morning, and the grossest girl he has ever known. I think he is a moody bitch. I assault him with close-up pictures of my butthole when he least expects it, he throws cup o' farts at me while I am working hard on my homework.

I broke his wiener during a rough sex-capade one night, it turned black & blue and his ballsack grew to the size of a softball right in front of me.It was late, but we made some calls. His mother, my step-mom, and his boss were all quickly notified of his poor frank & beans. We received more laughter than advice...obviously. Being the excellent girlfriend I was at the time though, I placed a frozen porkchop on his balls, and we went to sleep. I woke up that morning to him hitting me with a no longer frozen porkchop, while he pointed to his wiener screaming that it was frostbit. He gave it a hard pinch, and it definitely wasn't. He screamed like a woman.After two Dr.'s appointments,one sonogram, 3 weeks living in sweatpants, and no sex(I almost died), he was back in business. His broken black junk was horrific, but he thanked me for the opportunity to have a sonogram on his nuts. See? Give & take...we got it.

We wrote our own vows, and I swore to never break his junk again, and always have ice on hand...I also vowed to never poop on the front seat of the car again, but that's a whole other issue...