Bieber...no.

It should probably be mentioned that I have never heard a Justin Bieber song in my life. It's pretty much like an angel has been watching over my ears this entire time.
However.
Watching The Voice the other night, I watched Bieber bounce out onto stage. Ummm...where is his hair? Have I been living under a rock? And THEN, he is going to show a sneak peak of his new video...If I was Your Boyfriend, or something. Bieber was being sexy!!! He was whispery and shit to the girl in his video...whaaaattttt! After a little research I find that some trollop accuses Bieber of knocking her up...ummm...no. Not the Bieber I had imagined. A shaggy haired, big toofed, wiener-less boy could not have procreated. After his sexy sneak peak though...I see I was duped. Bieber is a freak. I also realize how insane I would go having a girl, who would grow into a screaming banshee groupie-esq female with dream-boat posters of Bieber-creeper type boys all over her walls. What happened to the super hot guys like Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch? Helloooo?? Even my New Kids Jordan doll was hot shit...little hairs braided into a tail...because hey, tails were hot shit too. I will take some dirty sexy Kurt Cobain too. Now he was a filthy hot guy with talent. Now it's all about super skinny jeans, nutsacks protruding through, over styled hair, and tiny tiny T's that I cant fit my tits in...disappointing when you love to wear your boyfriends clothes. The ruggedness and dirty sexy is gone, feminine looking boys are in. Sad. Even still, nobody likes a mooseknuckel.

                                                                       Or do they?