Monday, June 3, 2013

Complimentary Douche.

"You have a great front row".

"The closer you walked to me, the more gorgeous you got".

"I like your hangy downs" (Referring to my earrings).

"You're so good".

A man who was about 103 years old informed me that I caught him on payday, and that if I stuck around after my shift I could find out what my "big tip" was. Insert creepy wink...which took A lot of effort.

Scenario, Every single time paying for a drink- huge wad of money is pulled out to extract 3 dollars from. Stop it. First of all, you look like a douche. You are not giving off the wicked awesome vibe of, "Look at me I'm fucking loaded and have a huge wiener". Instead you are stating, "Look at me I don't have an actual bank account but will show you this huge wad to over compensate for the small bulge in my pants". Just throw your money on the bar like a grown ass man and let me pull from it.

Please stop waiting for your wives/girlfriends to go to the bathroom so you can give me a huge tip and tell me to put it in my kitty. I do appreciate the cashmoney, but don't do it if you have to tip me like a hooker on the sly.

I really do enjoy when your eyes glaze over and you order your draft beer from my tits.


I absolutely adore bartending, really, I do. I find humor in many of these things. However, it gives me a glimpse into what life would be like as a single lass...which has not happened for me since I was seriously 15 (relationship hopper status). Well, I was single for about 10 minutes in between my previous relationship and this one...and something as simple as changing my Facebook status had made my inbox BLOW UP over about two days. It was intense. Oh, no. The single life would not be for me. I applaud the ladies I know that handle it though. Should my marriage ever eat shit, I'm getting lesbionic. There will be so much love and so much boob between us.
 





 

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