So Girth and I had a bitchfest the other night. I was raging since my ovaries are exploding and he was just being especially twattish. Finally I settled into my book and and he roamed around the house like he was busy. Then grabbed a beer and told me he was taking a bath. About 15 minutes later he calls my name. I'm fucking pissed because I never sit for more than 5 minutes at a time without my name being called urgently. So I get up, and head in. Open the door, there's my husband bathing with the light off and lit candles. He tells me to get in. (Now, we used to take baths every day together, pre-baby days, pre-fat days....so this is nostalgic).
So I am in and we are cuddling. He wants to sex me. I know it. Mostly because of the raging boner taking up space in our already limited bathtub. I feel frisky, so I decide I want to drip candle wax on him. On his wiener, specifically. Immediately this isn't looking good. He isn't letting me near his junk. I'm laughing and begging...I say, "OK, OK, let me put it in your pussy hair", he says, "No, no, you'll start a bush fire"...I am waiting to sneak attack him...he stands strong though. So I fling the candle, he screams like a bitch and awkwardly catches it. Frgging candle wax floating everywhere. We are scums though, so we stayed in. Now we are at opposite ends and I'm like, OK, wash my vagina. He sits up, looks down at my snooch and says, "ew- fuck you". I tell him no, it's sexy, let's get sexy. So, he grabs his squeezy soap, splats it on me, gives my muffin a couple swipes and then flicks water at it. I told him he had to get all up in the nooks & crannys. He had a disgusted face the entire time. It was a shit job. He would have the dirtiest clam ever, if he had his own. Again, we lay back at opposite ends. My hair gets stuck on the faucet part and rips half of it out. Then I farted.
Then he got out.
The end.
So I am in and we are cuddling. He wants to sex me. I know it. Mostly because of the raging boner taking up space in our already limited bathtub. I feel frisky, so I decide I want to drip candle wax on him. On his wiener, specifically. Immediately this isn't looking good. He isn't letting me near his junk. I'm laughing and begging...I say, "OK, OK, let me put it in your pussy hair", he says, "No, no, you'll start a bush fire"...I am waiting to sneak attack him...he stands strong though. So I fling the candle, he screams like a bitch and awkwardly catches it. Frgging candle wax floating everywhere. We are scums though, so we stayed in. Now we are at opposite ends and I'm like, OK, wash my vagina. He sits up, looks down at my snooch and says, "ew- fuck you". I tell him no, it's sexy, let's get sexy. So, he grabs his squeezy soap, splats it on me, gives my muffin a couple swipes and then flicks water at it. I told him he had to get all up in the nooks & crannys. He had a disgusted face the entire time. It was a shit job. He would have the dirtiest clam ever, if he had his own. Again, we lay back at opposite ends. My hair gets stuck on the faucet part and rips half of it out. Then I farted.
Then he got out.
The end.
This picture is a fucking lie.
Omg! I died laughing the entire time I was reading this!! YOU, my friend, are a genious! Hahaha
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