I honestly think that if I was twenty-something in the 80's, I would have been a groupie. I would have had the biggest hair, the biggest tits and the tightest spandex around. Now, this is not to say I would have been a groupie for the purpose of jumping on every salami I swooned to, but in all honesty, there are certainly some that I would not have passed up. For that reason, I wouldn't have used those scary old Lee press-on nails...I can't even imagine how many zippers claimed those bitches in the 80's.
Groupies now a days just don't seem legit. For some reason, back then they seemed relevant, glamorous even.They had a mission and they got back stage and completed it. One thing I would have done though, is get autographs. Not just signatures on my teets, but the real deal. Could you imagine having a stockpile of autographs 20-30 years later? So awesome. And then I would more than likely have completely exploited each and every encounter with a filthy tell-all book. "Decadence of a Decade", would be full of Polaroids, meet & greets, and sexcapades. My conquests most certainly would have been, Rod Stewart, Sebastion Bach, Brett Michael's, Steve Perry, and that's all I know off the top of my head. Actually, the most terrible part of this whole ordeal would be missing out on Kid Rock. He would never make it to my to-do list, because by the time he spun onto the scene in 2000, I would have been hiding my sordid past, or in the beginning stages of my tell-all book. The boys with big hair and bigger bulges would have been behind me,and I would have retired my crimper and fuck me pumps. Me and all my illegitmate band babies would be ready to bank off mommys vagina and get fancy. We would forever be thankful to the maker of the backstage pass. And of course the biggest thanks would go to Aqua Net. The 80's could not have even existed without it.
Groupies now a days just don't seem legit. For some reason, back then they seemed relevant, glamorous even.They had a mission and they got back stage and completed it. One thing I would have done though, is get autographs. Not just signatures on my teets, but the real deal. Could you imagine having a stockpile of autographs 20-30 years later? So awesome. And then I would more than likely have completely exploited each and every encounter with a filthy tell-all book. "Decadence of a Decade", would be full of Polaroids, meet & greets, and sexcapades. My conquests most certainly would have been, Rod Stewart, Sebastion Bach, Brett Michael's, Steve Perry, and that's all I know off the top of my head. Actually, the most terrible part of this whole ordeal would be missing out on Kid Rock. He would never make it to my to-do list, because by the time he spun onto the scene in 2000, I would have been hiding my sordid past, or in the beginning stages of my tell-all book. The boys with big hair and bigger bulges would have been behind me,and I would have retired my crimper and fuck me pumps. Me and all my illegitmate band babies would be ready to bank off mommys vagina and get fancy. We would forever be thankful to the maker of the backstage pass. And of course the biggest thanks would go to Aqua Net. The 80's could not have even existed without it.
Nothing could ever compare.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Say something!