Trendy...

The mall. I used to be obsessed, spending 3/4 of my paychecks there, bouncing checks sometimes, it was never ending. Complete clotheshorse. Then, everything changed. At first I thought it was because I became a mom and have remained about 10 pounds heavier than I once was, but I just realized that isn't it at all. We were at the mall the other day...and went to Target...and went to TJ Maxx. And you know what? Everything is fucking hideous. Now, I have never been a "trendy" gal at all, always just got what I liked. But now?? Holy balls...nothing. All floral, gauzy material, bright denim, half shirts in the front, long in the back, and all the dresses had triangle tits...meaning they were out of the question for a chesty lass such as myself. I just wanted some jeans where the waistline comes up higher than my lowest pubic hair and some slutty deep V neck tees. I did pick up some flip-flops to complete the ensemble, but that's it. And now, as I am sitting here listening to Mr. Big on Spotify, I realize I am one of "those" moms. One of the ones I considered stuck in the 80's when I was growing up. I am officially stuck in the 90's. With like, a toe dipped in the 80's. That's actually good, I think. There is nothing worse than seeing a super trendy mom, sporting the latest fashions, looking ridiculous because she can't loosen the stranglehold she keeps on her youth. I even felt more mom-ish last night talking about The Frisky beaver article. I'm not waxing the kitty bare, and it being a bit more than a strip makes me feel even more mom-ish. That's fine though. Besides, the only ladies that should even consider going bald are the ones with 'innies. Never 'outies'. Plus, it isn't like an actual mom bush in my pants anyways, it doesn't trail down to my asshole and thighs or anything. Let's just clear that up now. So, I guess it's like the hair is just a decoration, because it is only up top. That's mostly because it grosses me out to think about going pee and having hair there. Gross. Well, that and it's more fun to play 'Just the Tip' when it's bare.
Anyhow, the point is- I'm just going to keep on smashing my muffin with a haircut into higher waisted jeans and tees. Fuck the trends, the floral and the lime green jeans.

Just a small town girl, living her 90's world...
See what I did there?

 

Looming.

Riot called me 'mom' yesterday. My heart broke in 7 million pieces. It also made me feel 10 years older. Right now, I am living in a bubble. School, sweatpants, staying home with my babe. Come Fall, I will be a job searching machine. Skirts, cardi's and fuck me pumps await me. I will have to brush my hair, probably even have to put hairspray in it. Meetings, office equipment and adults will surround me. It's easy not to feel grownup right now. Me and my baby, farting, dancing, laughing the days away. Then he has to go and call me 'mom', and snap me into the reality that awaits us. Due to my vanity and dramatics, I told him never to call me that again, it wasn't nice, and my name was 'mommy'. A harsh over-reaction? Sure. But him and I don't have these times together forever. Someday when we are worker and student, adult and rebellious teen, he might even refer to me by my actual name. It is then that I realize, no one else in this world has the capacity to break my heart like this kid does. I have always known that I love him like no other, but the vulnerability that comes with heartbreak is just as overwhelming. The closer graduation gets for me, the more neurotic I become. I need to side part his hair, pick his clothes, and pick his friends. It's me that needs to walk him onto his school bus, and whisk him off it at the end of his day. At some point though, it becomes clear. Being mommy and being an adult are one in the same. I need to stop separating them. The realization is, I can be both and we will survive. I'll be a fancy mommy, and he will be a well adjusted little boy and we will enjoy our farty pants dancing at the end of everyday.  He will still say, "mommy, you mell' that?" and after I sniff he will say, "I fahhhtedddd...", then laugh like a lunatic. He will grab ahold of me and say, "Mommy, I need to kiss your face". He will ask me to "pet his back" before bed, and  to play his puppy. And he's just always going to be my best friend.