I hate you.

Mysterious posting. You know, just the sad face or little bits of information. These statuses are meant to bait people into asking what is going on, otherwise known as attention grabbing. The best part is, telling them it is personal, none of their business, or no one can know. Although those mysterious posts are excellent detectors of snoopy twats.

Tits galore. Tit galore selfies. Many times these are accompanied by non-stop statues about asshole guys, no good ones left, guys are pigs, blah blah blah. Really? So you mean to tell me that your gigantic in your face titty shot bar pic, was meant to lure in the good guys? Stop it. You're retardation is going to land you right into the fuck em' n' chuck em' pile.
 
Constant posts. I don't mean from people at home either. I mean people that are suppose to be someplace having fun. When you are posting and updating every 15 fucking minutes about how awesome what your doing is, you are a god damn liar. People get consumed by awesomeness. Other people might be getting awesome, but you, you are standing there like a boring douchbag playing on Facebook.

Oh so in love. These people are obviously the only ones who have experienced being in love. That's why they have to tell everyone about it all day and all night long, never shutting the fuck up. So lucky, so blessed, so in love, always. Because of your intensity, everyone knows you are only trying to convince yourself. Ladies, if he is that perfect- you shouldn't have any time to even make a Facebook post. Every spare minute should be spent thanking him with sex, sandwiches and blow jobs for making your life so ridiculously magical. Chances are good, if you aren't fucking, sucking and serving, he isn't doing half the things you say anyways.

Things that also need to be managed:

Facebook should be able to sense when the relationship status button is overused and disable it.

Stop telling everyone where you are every single second. The only people who care are the ones looking to murder you and wear your skin.

If you are going to photoshop your selfies, please delete the "before" picture. You look like an idiot.

I wish duck lips could be banned. What's worse though, is the straight faced, dead eyed, come fuck me stare.

Passive-aggressive posting. Bitching about a friends post, without telling them, even though it directly follows their own post. Oh, but you were definitely talking about "someone else".

Posting a status about a bad day...get 50 comments from other people about how much worse their day was. Obviously pity- partying competitions should be an Olympic sport. OH, and the one person who chimes in to let you know to just be greatful for all you are blessed with....eattttttt shiiiiitttttttt.

If you feel offended, you have probably done one of these things...