I have decided that if I want to claim back any sexiness that I once embodied, I will have to take the necessary actions. Be pro-active. And there is only one way to do it. It isn't something I WANT to do, but I HAVE to. You see, I have never had a pedicure...because I wouldn't pay someone to do what I can do for myself. And I HATE people touching my feet. Only one manicure, because my sister in-law to be at the time conned me into it and made me go. In which I abruptly jacked up as soon as we walked out the door and got into the car. I'm just not cut out for those things. I have not even worn heels since I had Riot. Not that I could walk with my ankles snapping every other step...but I did it anyway. Pregnancy robbed me of any iota of sexiness that I had, but I have already told you all that. So. I have given it some thought, really thought about actual sexy girl actions. And BOOM, there it was. Strippers. Slow your role...you won't be finding me at the Woosah anytime soon. However, strippers in a specific way- like when they have really, really long hair and tip their head back and their hair swishes on their ass? That's it. That's the ticket. I need extensions. Long glorious ones that I can just walk around tickling my ass crack with for a day or two. I am absolutely positive that it will transform me into a raging sex goddess again. I want to swish it and flick it and whip it with slutty passion all over the place. I'm officially convinced, and obsessed. I even gave this blog red print. Because red is the color of whores.
So exciting!
So exciting!
BOOM.
I just want to say, super long hair during sex is one of the least sexy things ever. Someone leans on it during position changes, it ends up in mouths, on peens, in eyes, just everywhere. I mean, unless Girth is into getting ridden by cousin It. Is he? That would be interesting role play. Or maybe the creepy girl from the Grudge? Maybe that's how my boyfriend feels? I don't know, but either way, long hair = sexy time disaster.
ReplyDelete