Up to Speed...

So, in case you have not heard, we are at war. This began last week when I decided to rub it in Girth's face, via Face book, that I was wearing his beloved Between the Buried and Me sweatpants (yes, the same ones that I shit in before) without underwear. This is what he received from me:

"These are your favorite sweatpants, on my body. Sans skipps. It's just me...all up in there.

Consider it marking my territory.
I do what I want.
I dominate.
Boom."

 

 

He gets home, sees this, and is not pleased. At all. So as he is sitting bitching, and I am cooking dinner and laughing at him, I piss.
"Ooops, I just pissed your pants".

And there the war was born. What followed that evening before bedtime was this:

 "You piss in my favorite sweatpants and wear them with no underpants again this will not be the last time this happens. REVENGE!!!"

 

Now- these are my favorite comfy pants. And I am also not one to be outdone, though I am no arsonist either, so I was forced to get creative. Which lead to him coming home the following day to this:

"It is not even 10 a.m. and I have already cut the nuts out of all of your underwear. Just so you know how intense things can get, I snipped the nuts out of a pair of your kids too.
Enjoy the new airflow to your taint."

 

There has been zero activity in the past few days. Peace has been restored on Facebook, and I believe that I have won. We'll see.

 

 

In other news, a couple things that made me feel like a legit mother.

1. Riot dropped a huge F-bomb...so I put soap in his mouth. Not a lot, but I did jam it on his toofs with my finger...so the taste had to have stuck.

2. I had my physical done. My jeans were so high that my physician chuckled and asked me to unbutton them. I did. It was three buttons worth of unbuttoning, reminding me of the Button Your Fly days, and I suddenly became nostalgic for the Button Your Fly t-shirts. And Umbros. And Rave hairspray.