I was sitting on the couch with Girth, and farted. It was disgusting. He got up, and walking into the kitchen says:
"You are so fucking gross. Whats wrong with you? That smells hot, I bet you singed your asshole hairs!"
I can't see him because he is in the kitchen, but I am laughing and jiggling like a lard ass, and as I get ready to say something, he yells:
"And don't try and tell me you don't even have asshole hairs, you're fucking sick".
He also regularly checks Riot and me for ticks. So the other day after we came in, he checked Riot, then when Riot was in his room, I hurried up and stripped completely naked and ran and splayed out on the bed. He hung his head in defeat, maybe shame, and came in to check me. I rolled onto my belly and farted...intensely. His decision was to stop checking me. And now he won't check me for ticks anymore, so I am probably going to die.
I drove our 4 wheeler for the first time yesterday. Now I am completely in awe of how some girls do it. Girth took pics of me, and I am left wondering why I don't make adventures look sexy. Head back laughing, hair blowing Godiva style in the wind...nope. My hair blows back into the form of a mullet my eyes get crazy and my mouth hangs open like a happy moron. You would think it was my first day running through the halls without a helmet on.
I am convinced that any sexiness I once had was lost when I gave birth. There must have been a glitch in that magical moment when my foot slid out of the stirrup, kicked over the surgical tray holding all the tools, my sister yelling, "You pooped! It's OK though though, it was only a small nugget...", Chris laughing about my water breaking and splashing his shoes and a baby springing out of my vag. Sexiness ran out the fucking door, slammed it shut and decided to never return.
"You are so fucking gross. Whats wrong with you? That smells hot, I bet you singed your asshole hairs!"
I can't see him because he is in the kitchen, but I am laughing and jiggling like a lard ass, and as I get ready to say something, he yells:
"And don't try and tell me you don't even have asshole hairs, you're fucking sick".
He also regularly checks Riot and me for ticks. So the other day after we came in, he checked Riot, then when Riot was in his room, I hurried up and stripped completely naked and ran and splayed out on the bed. He hung his head in defeat, maybe shame, and came in to check me. I rolled onto my belly and farted...intensely. His decision was to stop checking me. And now he won't check me for ticks anymore, so I am probably going to die.
I drove our 4 wheeler for the first time yesterday. Now I am completely in awe of how some girls do it. Girth took pics of me, and I am left wondering why I don't make adventures look sexy. Head back laughing, hair blowing Godiva style in the wind...nope. My hair blows back into the form of a mullet my eyes get crazy and my mouth hangs open like a happy moron. You would think it was my first day running through the halls without a helmet on.
I am convinced that any sexiness I once had was lost when I gave birth. There must have been a glitch in that magical moment when my foot slid out of the stirrup, kicked over the surgical tray holding all the tools, my sister yelling, "You pooped! It's OK though though, it was only a small nugget...", Chris laughing about my water breaking and splashing his shoes and a baby springing out of my vag. Sexiness ran out the fucking door, slammed it shut and decided to never return.
Pretty much.
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