Well...not a lot of new developments, anywhere in life really. So, I guess I have a just smidge of a hodgepodge of shit.
Last week at my 12 week appointment, they think my due date may be off my 7 days. Which puts this kid as becoming a member of society on my birthday. Because that's exactly what I wanted for my birthday- to have my vagina ripped in half.
Riot turned 4 years old. I don't have a toddler anymore- I have a kid. Today he showed me a new four year old activity...he tucked his junk between his legs and said, "Look , Mommy- my doodle all gone!" I expected this- but at 14 not 4. There is no way he has seen this or heard it anywhere- so I now know that these are the things boys are naturally equipped to do from birth.
I finally got a pumpkin white hot chocolate. It was too hot to drink so I planned on getting all up in it at home. After driving all the way home I dropped it getting out of the car. It spilled and was all gone. I cried real horse tears while my offspring comforted me. He is learning at a very young age how terrifying pregnant women can be.
Girth almost had sex with me last night. He was even having some beers to do it. Then I farted too many times. He was really upset and dragged me across the couch, held my head down and force fed me my own fart smell. I did not like it, not at all.
Girth also bought me pregnancy Pilate's. I have also begun the squat challenge again. This baby can have my uterus- but it cannot have my ass. The Pilate's will also keep me nice and limber for next years pyramids and such.
I think some of you might judge me because I continue to bartend twice a week at a club that allows smoking. Just keep in mind that I am not judging you when you call yourself a stay at home mom as opposed to a welfare recipient. Bartending there might not be ideal while I am pregnant- but neither is syphoning off the system. Before you just tell me to find a different part-time job, remember I already also babysit full time as well as attend school full time. And you and your opinion are welcome to lick my nuts at any time.
So, yeah. That's where I'm at lately.
Last week at my 12 week appointment, they think my due date may be off my 7 days. Which puts this kid as becoming a member of society on my birthday. Because that's exactly what I wanted for my birthday- to have my vagina ripped in half.
Riot turned 4 years old. I don't have a toddler anymore- I have a kid. Today he showed me a new four year old activity...he tucked his junk between his legs and said, "Look , Mommy- my doodle all gone!" I expected this- but at 14 not 4. There is no way he has seen this or heard it anywhere- so I now know that these are the things boys are naturally equipped to do from birth.
I finally got a pumpkin white hot chocolate. It was too hot to drink so I planned on getting all up in it at home. After driving all the way home I dropped it getting out of the car. It spilled and was all gone. I cried real horse tears while my offspring comforted me. He is learning at a very young age how terrifying pregnant women can be.
Girth almost had sex with me last night. He was even having some beers to do it. Then I farted too many times. He was really upset and dragged me across the couch, held my head down and force fed me my own fart smell. I did not like it, not at all.
Girth also bought me pregnancy Pilate's. I have also begun the squat challenge again. This baby can have my uterus- but it cannot have my ass. The Pilate's will also keep me nice and limber for next years pyramids and such.
I think some of you might judge me because I continue to bartend twice a week at a club that allows smoking. Just keep in mind that I am not judging you when you call yourself a stay at home mom as opposed to a welfare recipient. Bartending there might not be ideal while I am pregnant- but neither is syphoning off the system. Before you just tell me to find a different part-time job, remember I already also babysit full time as well as attend school full time. And you and your opinion are welcome to lick my nuts at any time.
So, yeah. That's where I'm at lately.
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