SheWee, SheWhat?

Initially, the idea of the Shewee was super attractive to me. I am a huge fan of standing up to piss like a guy, I just don't generally take advantage of the opportunities. A couple weekends ago I did bet Girth that I could put the fire out by pissing on it like a man. I think that was the PBR talking- but I gave it a shot. Pulled down my jeans and gave a mean thrust forward. I did not anticipate the billowing smoke or the huge flame that lashed out and almost burnt my muffin off. I pulled back quickly, however- I was not able to kegal it off. So I continued to piss all over my self while Girth screamed at me to thrust forward again. I did, but it was in vain. My jeans were to pissy and tight to pull back up, so I had to walk of shame it half dressed back inside.
This weekend, I thought I found a solution in the Shewee.
I was wrong.
Lesson learned from last time, I prepared myself by getting naked from the waist down. Excellent choice. I then removed the Shewee from its packaging. Immediately thrown off, because it feels like a dildo and resembled a pocket pussy. I went with it though, cupping it too my muff. Positioning was tricky, as I poked myself in the b-hole. Finally, I thought I nailed it. Started pissing and it was a disaster. All down the backs of my legs, all over my hands, my cup runneth over. Did I drink too much beer? Did I hold my piss too long? Too forcefull? Is my monkey to plump? I just don't know. Possibly this was user error.

All this and I can't figure out where my sexiness has went...