It's official. I am so close to the weight I was before getting impregnated. Only about three hungry days, 2 laxatives, and 1 water pill away. Then, BOOM, I am there. A 72 hour stomach bug would probably have the same effects, but I wouldn't get so lucky. Three years of pregnancy weight has run its course. Yesterday, I put on a pair of jeans, and you know that feeling you get when they fit just right? Well, fuck that feeling, these bitches were straight up TOO BIG! Obviously I wore them anyways, because they had the power to make me feel so skinny. Which obviously means more naked night time strutting through the house, telling my husband how amazing I am, dancing around, pushing my nakedness all over him. He is too busy swatting me away to appreciate it though. It might have something to do with dragging my vag across his arm while he is typing. Which by the way, also seems to have lost a pound or two. No more Ken doll dick-like bulge in my yoga pants.
This also leads me to idiot friends who use the term, "fat clothes". The girl who loses some weight and starts shopping, so she starts giving away her old clothes. This is what that silly fuck sounds like,
"HEY, I"M GETTING RID OF ALL MY FAT CLOTHES... DO YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THEM??"
Ummm...excuse me? I had this happen once, years ago. I was a 5/6 at the time. No fucking thanks you idiot. Not only was I not fat, I never had been, and you suddenly getting thinner did not make me fatter in the first place. Excuse me while I choose not to dive into all your old, "fat jeans", and instead would like to strangle you with them, you insensitive, inconsiderate slob. Too bad their dick intake increased while their calorie intake decreased.
No worries here though, I'm keeping all of my "fat clothes". My weight goes up & down wayyyy too much. There's everything from a 4 to a 10 in my closet, and that's the way it's going to stay. Fat muffs need nice jeans too.
This also leads me to idiot friends who use the term, "fat clothes". The girl who loses some weight and starts shopping, so she starts giving away her old clothes. This is what that silly fuck sounds like,
"HEY, I"M GETTING RID OF ALL MY FAT CLOTHES... DO YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THEM??"
Ummm...excuse me? I had this happen once, years ago. I was a 5/6 at the time. No fucking thanks you idiot. Not only was I not fat, I never had been, and you suddenly getting thinner did not make me fatter in the first place. Excuse me while I choose not to dive into all your old, "fat jeans", and instead would like to strangle you with them, you insensitive, inconsiderate slob. Too bad their dick intake increased while their calorie intake decreased.
No worries here though, I'm keeping all of my "fat clothes". My weight goes up & down wayyyy too much. There's everything from a 4 to a 10 in my closet, and that's the way it's going to stay. Fat muffs need nice jeans too.
This image is not even relevant to my blog. But I did find it while searching for one, and just couldn't help myself. You can own one of these fellas, for just under $150.00. Why, though, I have no idea.
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